Monday, November 28, 2011

Belated Thanksgiving

I'm writing this post on the Muni 29 bus, on my way to therapy. The past week has been an emotional roller coaster.

And, thinking of Thanksgiving, I am thankful. I'm thankful that I have sweeties in my life who I can communicate with, about anything. I'm thankful that I have people in my life who understand me and still love me!

I feel as I'm on my way to good things. This has been a week with major personal and relationship changes, and also with great potential for personal growth. I'm thankful for that too.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Not genderqueer enough?

In the LGBT community, as in ANY other community, I feel like there's a certain sense of categorization and conformity. I sometimes feel like certain people, friends, acquaintances and strangers alike, don't take me seriously when I say I'm genderqueer, because I don't always dress a certain way, or because I don't fit a defined mold of what they consider to be genderqueer.

In the past, for the most part, I've been afraid to show that side of myself in public. I also feel that this simple fear puts a certain view of myself into public view. I think my lack of action in this area also leads people to believe I'm not serious about what I say I am. If I more were serious, I'd do whatever I feel like, and tell everyone else to fuck off, right? NOT right. This process is different for different people, and mine is taking some time. I started by growing my hair long. Dyeing my hair red was another step, which will spur more action, and so on. In addition, I'm unemployed and don't have too much money to make some of the things I want to happen, happen. Were I able to do so, I'd get laser hair removal, or even waxed! Were I able, I'd go out and buy a new wardrobe.

I want to be taken seriously. I also want people to understand that, just because I don't happen to be wearing makeup or a skirt when they see me, or just because I'm sporting a goatee (which is only for non-scratchy-kissing-based practicality) doesn't mean I'm making it up when I say I'm not really a guy. It's not a ploy to make friends or get someone into bed. It's my LIFE.

That is all.

Friday, November 18, 2011

I dyed my hair red today...

Before photo

With bleach

After bleach... Apparently, there was still quite a bit of black dye in there.

With dye

After photo

Saturday, November 12, 2011

SF events and costumes, DST and moods

SF events and costumes
Tonight, there is an event scheduled, a Vampire Ball. I would have liked to have gone with R, but the ticket cost, combined with the cost of a required costume, just wasn't feasible.

Such is the way of many events in the San Francisco Bay Area. Even many of the adults-only events, play parties and such, require some sort of costume. While this is nice for those of us who have money and/or can sew, others get left in the lurch.

Yes, I know, these are first-world problems, but the prevailing attitude that anyone who's worth knowing or having at a social event in the Bay Area has a closet full of costumes, very nearly borders elitist snobbery of a sort.

Daylight Savings Time and moods
It seems that no matter where I am, whether it's cold enough to snow or not, every year the DST change affects me and those I love in a negative way.

Also, in the Bay Area, the weather is cool and the temperature usually doesn't fluctuate wildly. As soon as DST comes around, combined with retail's seemingly relentless push to move the holiday shopping season further and further back each year, it already feels like the holiday season. In my brain, it's Christmas in early November! It's very strange, and I'm still not used to it yet.

Friday, November 11, 2011

11/11/11 !!!11!!1!!11!1!!

Hello World!

I've decided that it's time for me start a new blog. I was going to make a new account on that OTHER blog site from days of yore, but I decided to go with Blogger instead.

Today was a relatively uneventful day.

I put up some inexpensive LED holiday lights I bought from Walgreens down the street.

R went on a date tonight, and it went well! I hope things continue to do so.

J came back from her vacation tonight, bringing with her all the spoils of war (sand fleas, seashells).

Is it weird that I like hearing footsteps upstairs, no matter who it is? The house was quiet and kind of lonely, even with the pets. I worry about this, because I became so in a very short period of time. It makes me wonder how I'll handle living on my own. Part of me is still having a tough time imagining living on my own at all, because I have no basis for comparison.

We'll have to wait and see!