In the LGBT community, as in ANY other community, I feel like there's a certain sense of categorization and conformity. I sometimes feel like certain people, friends, acquaintances and strangers alike, don't take me seriously when I say I'm genderqueer, because I don't always dress a certain way, or because I don't fit a defined mold of what they consider to be genderqueer.
In the past, for the most part, I've been afraid to show that side of myself in public. I also feel that this simple fear puts a certain view of myself into public view. I think my lack of action in this area also leads people to believe I'm not serious about what I say I am. If I more were serious, I'd do whatever I feel like, and tell everyone else to fuck off, right? NOT right. This process is different for different people, and mine is taking some time. I started by growing my hair long. Dyeing my hair red was another step, which will spur more action, and so on. In addition, I'm unemployed and don't have too much money to make some of the things I want to happen, happen. Were I able to do so, I'd get laser hair removal, or even waxed! Were I able, I'd go out and buy a new wardrobe.
I want to be taken seriously. I also want people to understand that, just because I don't happen to be wearing makeup or a skirt when they see me, or just because I'm sporting a goatee (which is only for non-scratchy-kissing-based practicality) doesn't mean I'm making it up when I say I'm not really a guy. It's not a ploy to make friends or get someone into bed. It's my LIFE.
That is all.
In the past, for the most part, I've been afraid to show that side of myself in public. I also feel that this simple fear puts a certain view of myself into public view. I think my lack of action in this area also leads people to believe I'm not serious about what I say I am. If I more were serious, I'd do whatever I feel like, and tell everyone else to fuck off, right? NOT right. This process is different for different people, and mine is taking some time. I started by growing my hair long. Dyeing my hair red was another step, which will spur more action, and so on. In addition, I'm unemployed and don't have too much money to make some of the things I want to happen, happen. Were I able to do so, I'd get laser hair removal, or even waxed! Were I able, I'd go out and buy a new wardrobe.
I want to be taken seriously. I also want people to understand that, just because I don't happen to be wearing makeup or a skirt when they see me, or just because I'm sporting a goatee (which is only for non-scratchy-kissing-based practicality) doesn't mean I'm making it up when I say I'm not really a guy. It's not a ploy to make friends or get someone into bed. It's my LIFE.
That is all.
Be yourself. Take your time. Do your own thing.
ReplyDeletePeople in the bay area tend to be far too serious and judgmental about about ANY subculture. No one ever feels like they're X enough, so they put down other people for not being as X as them - like some elementary school one-up.
Some people just like to judge. It makes them feel better about themselves to think less of others. I got to the point where I wouldn't tell people at parties that I design and make corsets, because apparently in SF that isn't creative enough. People will judge for anything and everything.
ReplyDeleteTo be perfectly honest, I have very little patience for people that think that gender is solely about how you present in a specific moment and not about how you feel and think.
I feel like many people in the Bay Area are elitist snobs for one reason or another. Expect more rants on this subject in the future!
ReplyDeleteDon't let people define who you really are. Always stay true to yourself, or you will never be truly happy........luv u.
ReplyDelete